What works for my family might not work for yours. And vice versa.
This is a lesson I think I’m finally begin to get through my thick head.
Ever since I became a parent, I wanted someone to give me a formula. Do this and your kids will turn out great.
So I read blogs of people whom I thought were great parents and tried to do exactly as they did.
One woman had really smart kids, so I copied her homeschooling techniques. Another had children who loved to read, so I mimicked her ideas. Yet another’s children knew the Bible really well, so I followed in her footsteps exactly.
There is nothing wrong with trying to do better and using the ideas of those around you. But there is something wrong with trying to make your family just like theirs.
Trying to force your unique child into a one-size-fits-one box.
Our children are different.
Some of them love to read. Others could care less about a book. Some of them could sit and color for hours. Others (like my son) would rather just chew on the crayon.
God made our children different. And God made each of us different.
Instead of wishing for something we don’t have, I think we would be a lot better parents if we settled into who God made us to be (and who he made our kids to be).
The best parents are not those who adhere to formulas. The best parents are those who know and love their kids as Jesus does. And here’s the key: this might look different for you than it does for me. (Click to tweet this.)
For the next few weeks, I’m going to do a new blog series called “What Works for Me.” I’ll be sharing some of the things that work well for our family (like how we teach our kids about money, how we keep a “somewhat” clean home, how we study the Bible, etc).
I know what some of you are thinking. This all seems contradictory to the post you’re reading right now.
And to that, I say, “Yes… And no.”
I’m writing this series for moms like me. Moms who want ideas of how to make their homes run smoother, moms who are looking for a “formula.” If my idea will help someone else, then I want to share it. What I don’t want is this: for someone to think she MUST do exactly as I do. My ideas are simply that. They are ideas that work for my family. These ideas may-or may not-work for your family.
Here is my goal for this blog series: If you’ve never tried my idea, give it a try and see if it works for your family. Or if you’ve tried it (and it failed miserably), share what works for you. I’m always looking for new ideas, and I can’t wait to hear yours!
Until then, rest in the fact that there is no “right” way to parent. Love on that little child God gave you, and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.
Let’s Talk: Have you ever tried to fit your family into another family’s shoes? In what way?
I’m participating in the following link-ups this week. Click over and check out these great blogs.
The Mom Initiative
The Better Mom
The Koala Bear Writer
The Modest Mom
I keep saying this – this is what works for my family right now, and something else might work for your family right now, and that's okay! 🙂 We have a variety of friends with a variety of parenting skills and we've been able to get along great. Like you, I love reading books and blogs for more ideas and I'm happy to share my own; it's a conversation with no "right" answers and lots of good ones. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and linking up with the Write Mama blog hop!
Great point, Erin! I absolutely agree. I used to think I needed to treat each of my kids exactly the same way, but I'm learning that I need to treat each of them the way they need to be treated (which may or may not be the same way I would react to their sibling). Thanks for commenting, Erin. And BTW, I LOVED your book. I'm actually posting a review of it on Wednesday!
Absolutely!! Thanks so much for commenting.
Hi Lindsey! This is so great… I totally agree. Every kid is different, every family is different and so while it's great to glean ideas from other families, it's also great to stand up and say "It's my family and this is what works for us". I can't wait to read what else you say in the upcoming series. I also want to chime in and say that every kid is different… the way I respond to one of my kids is totally different from the way I respond to others. Anyway, great post! Have a great day.
All one can do is try and see if an idea is a fit for their family, and if not, try something else. This is something I think we must all learn, especially as parents. Great post!
Thanks so much, Melinda. I'm so grateful for the share on your FB page:)
Thanks so much, Rose. It is so interesting how families can be totally different from one another-function in totally different ways-and still bring glory to God!
{Melinda} Loved this post, Lindsey! This idea is kind of a huge thrust of our Mothering From Scratch ministry. We shared it on our MFS FB page! 🙂
Love this. It's so true! I was just thinking yesterday that it's interesting how God puts together families and imagining Him deciding to put these children with these parents because they need each other and how that looks different in each family.