Does your parenting focus more on problem behavior…or on character development? Lori Wildenberg shares with us today about how to tell the difference and how to parent more from a place of character development. PLUS, she’s holding a GIVEAWAY at the end of the post!*

He sure was nice.

Red Riding Hood was taken in by the niceness of the Big Bad Wolf.

Did you see Into the Woods?

There were many great lines in that movie. After Red discovered the true character of Johnny Depp’s Big Bad Wolf, she remarked, “Nice isn’t the same as good.”

Nice is how a person presents himself. Nice manners, polite words. Nice is pleasant to be around.

But… nice doesn’t indicate goodness.

So often we train our kids to be nice: to be pleasant, to be polite, and to show good manners. All external behavior. Not bad, but yet not complete either.

We forget about the goal, the long term training of character development in our kids.

Here are two questions to wrestle with:

1. Am I mainly worried about how my kids are perceived by others?
2. Do I mostly use behavior modification strategies to get my kids to cooperate?

If you answered yes to either question, your parenting may focus more on behavior and less on character development.

When our kiddos behave poorly, we have the immediate behavior to work on and…we have a clue into the character trait that needs some growth.

For instance, if you catch your child taking something that doesn’t belong to him, the immediate issue of stealing needs to be handled: Return the item, admit guilt (take responsibility), say sorry (show remorse), and ask how to make things better (restitution).

Then you tuck into your brain the character trait that needs to be developed. In the case of stealing, it may be contentment. If it is contentment then the traits to extinguish would be jealously and envy.

Once you can identify the deficient attribute(s), then you are able to be a proactive parent.

You can be intentional about seeking out situations where your child can show generosity and responsibility.

You can toss in some casual conversations about satisfaction in your own person life and discuss the times where you work extra hard to achieve a goal.

You can regularly pray what I call a replacement prayer for your child,

Father, please replace my child’s jealous heart with one that is content in all circumstances. Amen.

The long term goal of developing contentment can easily be dismissed or quickly forgotten once the theft has been made right.

Know your child. Know his strengths and know his weaknesses. This way you will be the parent your child needs. Parent your child for both the short-term behavior and the long-term heart development.

Because nice isn’t the same as good.

Lori Wildenberg

Lori has co-authored 3 parenting books with her ministry partner, Becky Danielson. For more information about 1C13P, the new books, or to connect with Lori go to: www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com or www.loriwildenberg.com . The 1C13P ministry can also be found on Facebook (www.facebook.com/1Corinthians13Parenting)

Lori and her husband, Tom, live in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. A perfect day in Lori’s world is a hike with her husband, four young adult kids, and labradoodle.

About the 1 Corinthians 13 Parent Series:

In 1 Corinthians 13, there are 15 different attributes of love. My co-author, Becky Danielson and I have written two books focused on living and raising kids with these attributes; one book for parents of toddlers to nine-years-old (Raising Little Kids with BIG Love) and one for parents of tweens-young adults (Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love). These books were recently published and can be found on Amazon or at Barnes and Noble.

This month we are launching our book series and Sharing the LOVE by offering over $400 worth of prizes. To be eligible for the free gifts: books, jewelry, or parent coaching just leave a comment on this blog or on any 1Corinthians13Parenting.com post during the month of February.

*Photo courtesy: unsplash